


Birth Day

by 4d6_Psychic_Damage



Category: SCP Foundation
Genre: ???? - Freeform, But this is about a man giving birth to him and a neck snapping statues child, Canon Compliant, Canon Relationships, Crack Treated Seriously, I mean its not treated completely as a joke, Mpreg, My First AO3 Post, Other, Read date night for context, Somewhat, Sorry Not Sorry, The Author Regrets Everything, Why Did I Write This?, especially if you do not know why this is happening with these 2 specifically, so take it as you will
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:33:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29413452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4d6_Psychic_Damage/pseuds/4d6_Psychic_Damage
Summary: Dr.Clef gives birth to a statue.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	Birth Day

**Author's Note:**

> I am so fucking sorry. I did not proof read this because I don't want to read this again, so think of any grammar mistakes as a feature not a bug

It was 4:30 in the morning on a thursday

The foundation was oddly quiet, Its cold lifeless energy once an oppressive deathing force now an almost comfort to its workers. Most people took this time to let their guard down and pretend everything was fine even if it was only for a few minutes. They got coffee, made small talk about sports or the weather or read a few pages of that book that collected dust on the desk for what seemed like it was older than the world itself. But Dr.Clef wasn't most people and these past months he desperately did not want to be the black sheep. You see unlike his co-workers Clef was bent over an old trash can puking up last night's dinner like a hungover collage student in his office. This wasn’t the first time this had happened nor was it the second of the third of the fourth. It was a never ending cycle that had been going on for months, he would wake up sick, go to work nauseous looking almost identical to a drowned corpse, vomit his lungs out, eat like his life depended on it then go directly to sleep and do it all over again. And right now he was in the middle of stage 2.

After emptying his gut of what felt like enough food to feed a 5 family for a week the doctor took his lab coat off, placing it over his body like a blanket and just lied down on the tile floor in shame. The great reality bender ender once a man to be respected almost as much as he should be feared was curled up in a ball in shame. His body once a force of destruction slaughtering being that changed reality itself now bloated shaking in pain from what could only be a cold right? Well no he thought, this had been going on for the better half of a year and colds don't last even half that long so it couldn't have been that. No no it had to have been something more like a parasite or a tumor or a pregnancy or an anomaly or a-

“You’re pregnant” 

“Don’t be fucking stupid” the blond retorted to himself. “Thats impossible I-”

His brain cut him off, flooding his mind with any small bits of pregnancy knowledge he had even known. From infographics in doctors offices to overheard conversation to weird furry porn Bright sent him at 3 am. It all came to him and it all lined up.

“Well even if I somehow against all of nature and god managed to get pregnant. Who would be the theoretical sperm donor, I hadn't fucked anyone in a-“ 

“173”

And that’s when it hit him like a freight train going full speed. Yes he slept with 173 and yes he didn’t use a condom and yes he didn’t check if something like this was possible. Now Clef was never the skinniest of men but checking his stomach he realized it was huge and unlike the normal fat he was use to. If this was Murphy’s law or simply karma he didn’t know but it was obvious that saying this was bad would be an understatement. 

The sudden realization of how fucked he was snapped the music man out of his nauseous state and into a panic. Adrenaline shot through his veins as he realized what this means. He wasn’t sure how this was going to go down, was it going out of his dick? His ass? Should he call someone? Or just suffer the pain alone? Was he going to die known as that one dude who fucked a statue and died giving birth to the rock flesh chimera? Or was he going to live and also be known as the guy who gave birth to a rock flesh chimera? He gasped for air trying to calm his nerve down each breath short yet deep. Then as if the universe itself had it out for him a hot stream of liquid went down his leg.

“Oh shit I pissed myself”

“......”

“Oh FUCK!”

Clef screamed like a cat in heat. A rush of intense pain sent him into a panic. The mother (or should I say statue) fucker was in labor and wasn’t even sure if this baby could come out of him physically. His eyes frantically scanned the room for anything that could help. Each second felt agonizing as Clef weighed his options. it’s either call for help or try to push this thing through himself and probably die. Collapsing in agony and the horrors of the situation he grasped onto his desk, feeling sometimes falling to the ground. It was a standard pen Clef had never thought to use, and because of its fresh tip it was sharp. Just sharp enough to slice into his flesh with little resistance.

Alto knew what he had to do, grabbing the pen in one hand and lifting his shirt off with the other and praying and preparing for this amateur C-Section.

It was 4:30 on a friday

Clef was snuggled into his hospital bed. He felt lighter   
If it was from the baby being out of his body or the almost comedic amount of drugs he was put on he couldn’t tell. On his left a nurse, a black woman clearly just out of college and although trying still failed to make it seem like she wasn’t disturbed by this entire situation . On his right a dozens of cards and a balloons, the pink and white “it’s a girl” ballon stood out against the see of cards that filled with curses and questions about how any of this happened. 

“Well Mr.Clef” 

The nurse said, her voice filled to the brim with concern.

“Somehow you managed to preform a C-Section on yourself without doing serious injuries to you or the baby. While you did bleed a lot we are sure you will only need to stay for a week or so ”

Clef did not move, preferring to reconsider every single life choice that led him to this point (much like the author of this fanfic).

“On the other side the child is extremely anomalous, it seems to be made entirely of concrete. While it is acting like a normal newborn should we are scared that will change. Do you have any questions?” 

She asked. Clef, still dazed and drugged out of his mind, only wanted one simple question answered.

“Can I see her?” 

The nurse sighed and called someone in. After a few minutes a newborn baby arrived, wrapped in pastel pink wool and carried by 2 heavily armored MTF they gave him the baby in disgust, seemingly not wanting to touch the child any longer than they had to.

“...Francis...”

Clef whispered to seemingly no one in particular.

“I’ll name her Francis.”


End file.
